Beyond the Veil
by Cyrus13
Summary: A little light-hearted version of what happens to Sirius after he dies... Because we all know that Sirius is not that kind of guy...
1. Introduction

**Summary: What really happened to Sirius after he died? Read and find out.**

**Hello everyone. Another humor fic. Enjoy. Oh, and this is planned to be one-shot, but I'll see how the reviews go.**

Hello everyone. My name is Sirius Black. I don't really see what the whole deal is with me dying. I mean, it's not like I was really wiped off the map. Alright, I miss the chicken wings Hogwarts is famous for, but one has to make sacrifices.

"YOU THERE!!!!! DISGRACE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

I turn around in the middle of, essentially, nowhere, to see my dear old Mum pointing a shaking finger at me. Again. Unfortunately, I had the lucky chance of meeting her first and been tagging around her because I didn't know the way around. The only problem was that she still remembered me.

"UNFIT TO BE ALIVE!!!"

I roll my eyes, wondering whether I should tell her that I am technically dead and that is why I am here. I was spared from the dilemma, however, as I come face to face with a man who was younger then me by birth, and his dim-witted mind proved it.

"Ha, Ha, Sirius I see you're dead!" he smiled broadly.

"Oh, and what does that make you, alive?" I asked, rising an eyebrow in his direction as he laughs and walks up to our mother, who had begun screeching in the background.

"REGULUS!!!! YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO HELP ME FIND A LINE OF ATTACK OUT OF HERE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Line of attack, huh? I wonder what that means. Deciding not to ponder on how my crazy mother thinks, I walk on, hoping to find my old friend, James Potter.

Instead, I end up face to face with Barty Crouch, a person that had been on my hit list for quite some time. Well, that was, until he died.

"You there! Crazy criminal!"

I stop and point my finger at him as well. "You there! Voldemort supporter!"

He quickly shut up and left me alone after that. Heh... Some people never learn...

A few more paces down the road and some old man bumps into me and stumbles. Me, being a helpful dead guy, helps him up.

"Thank you boy. You know, there are a lot of crazy people out in the world. Like that Sirius Black guy I saw on television right before I died.... Wonder where that bastard is now, killing poor innocent children..."

"Yeah... sure," I mutter, backing away from this man as fast as possible. "Pretty nasty guy..."

And the though suddenly occurs to me that this place, death, was a much odder place then I had originally imagined.

**Short, but feedback is required. I would also, if it not too much trouble for the readers, like a list of all the people in the five books that have died. It would make this fic a bit more interesting.**


	2. Support the Dark Lord?

**Finally, Sirius has decided to update after all. I kind of forgot that I had one up... but the last person who reviewed it reminded me... The world is square... And we are all purple triangles.**

This is Sirius again. Yo. The one who died. Well, I am continuing my tour of the underworld, like many others of the Harry Potter deceased list. And I just had tea with a rather charming boy named Cedric Diggory. The only problem with him was when he got up and told me that he needed to go home and see his parents again.

Yeah, I'll go with that.

"Hey, you're Sirius Black, aren't you?" I turn tilt my chair back, using the tea table for support and looked at the person behind me in a lazy, upside-down fashion. The person was a young man with, what appeared to be, a wand. Barty Crouch. The younger one. When did he get his hands on a wand? I want one.

"You took control of my father, didn't you?!" he screamed as though it really met something.

"No, that was Voldemort." The head tilting was straining, so I turned my entire chair around and leaned the head of the chair on the table.

"Oh... Well, you killed him, didn't you?!" I sighed. There are sure a lot of crazy people here.

"No, that was you. You turned him into a bone and buried him in the backyard, remember?" And that was a mighty juicy one too.  
"Oh..." He put down his wand and scratched his head. "Well then, don't forget to support the Dark Lord! Registration is low! And get your official Dark Mark tattoo at the Knockturn Alley today!" Advertising? Now I must be dreaming.

"Hey, which way is the alley?"

"Are you getting a tattoo?" he hissed, bearing down at me, "I'm not going to tell you if you aren't going to get a tattoo!"

"Um... Sure, why not?" I reply. After all, it was Voldemort's dream not to die, so getting one here wouldn't really do anything... Unless he was going to be killed by Dumbledore... Then it would be a problem if he showed up.... But if Dumbledore died too, then he might be able to stop Voldemort.  
Oh... my head hurts.

"That way," Crouch pointed left of where I'm sitting. "You'll see a sign in a few minutes."

"Thanks." I turn around, pocketed a crumpet from the table and hopped off my chair. Maybe I can find James there too.

**Wow. Short. But don't forget to get your genuine Dark Mark tattoo today! .  
R&R**


	3. Fifteen Miles

**Hello eveyone, whow decided to read this for their own pleasure...**

**The next Harry Potter book is coming out... when? Anyone excited?**

* * *

Well, then, the journey to Knockturn Alley was rather long and lonesome. I wish I had someone to talk with. At least when I was alive, I had Buckbeak to keep me company. And my mother's picture screaming at me.  
Suddenly, walking down this yellow brick road doesn't seem so bad after all.

"I'm not crazy, I'm just a little insane.  
I know,  
Right now you don't care…

But soon enough,  
You're gonna think of me,  
And how I used to be."

The man I had bumped into a few minutes ago was singing with a turban on his head and a guitar in the other. A guy with a badly burned face, that was. Wondered how HE died... Maybe a freak accident from a forest fire or something.

I will now trend away from that vision right now.  
So.  
Like I was saying, the journey to Knockturn Alley was rather long and lonesome. I started humming a tone to myself to pass the time. Oddly enough, it matched the same tune as the "Weasley Is Our King". Heh, James would have liked that tune and how Slytherin was beaten down by Gryffindor afterwards. The irony of it all.

Oh! A sign.

"Let's see," I read, bending close because the words were fading on the wooden sign. "Knockturn Alley... FIFTEEN MILES! WHO WOULD WALK THAT FAR IN DEATH! THE LEAST THEY COULD HAVE DONE WAS PROVIDED BROOMS OR SOMETHING!"

"They did, sunny boy," another old man said behind me. "But some Potter boy stole them and is demanding payment for anyone who wants to ride them." I raise an eyebrow at this man, who had begun to shake his head. "Wouldn't ride one if it would save my life... I hate all of this hocus-pocus stuff. Move over, will you! You're blocking my road!"

I backed to the edge of the road and allowed him to pass, clearly not wanting to mess with this anti-Magic muggle.

"Could I have your name at least?"

"Tom Riddle, now shut up and leave me alone! One devil of a son was worse enough..." As he left, I noticed that he seemed to be missing a shoulder blade. Ok, then.  
BUT he did say that James was here. I must be close! All I had to do was follow this road to Knockturn!

* * *

**Singing guy was Quirrell. The song Does nOT belong to me. The old, cranky dude with the missing bone will speak for itself... and maybe insult you. .  
RR**


End file.
